and after another phone call.

He is the only medic in the group.

The things he would of seen today.

And you know what else?
They can't come home.
They have to complete their tour.

I am so angry.
So sick.
Just ARGH!

And it's not him.

Soldier is still alive.
His unit was the one "attacked".

He is fine.
His mates are not.

Whilst I am terribly happy that he is okay.
I am sickened at the tragic death of his fellow fighters.

Memories.
This is all that matters at a time like this.
Now is not a time to debate the war.
Now is a time to reflect on these men as men, not as soldiers.
Love and thoughts go out to their family and friends.

We will remember them.

It's not supposed to be this hard.
I am not supposed to care this much.

And it hurts so much.
And I am jumping to the worst conclusions.

I just want today to be over.
I want to climb into bed and sleep this all away.

This is really just a terrible, terrible dream.
Right?

My Soldier.

It has now become apparent how real this situation is.

My stomach is in knots.
My eyes are fighting back the tears.

Turned on the computer this morning and the first thing I see
Breaking News: Two Australian Soldiers killed in Afghanistan.

This was an hour ago.
I still cannot bring myself to open that page.
I cannot even bare the thought that someone was killed where you are.
Let alone if your name appears on that page.

You were once my soldier.
You will always be my soldier.
Even if "we" can never be.

I am not functioning.
I am at work, and I need to put this to the back of mind.
But how can I?
You once meant everything to me.
You still mean so, so much.

How can I sit here wishing you are okay when it is condemning another to death.
I want you, need you to, come back okay.
I finally gained the courage to send you a letter and supplies.
The box is sitting in my car awaiting postage.
How can I send this to you knowing that its possible you could never open it?

Good Riddance

A friendship that I was sad to see end, finally did today.

Through a facebook deletion.

I am not at all surprised.
I didn't do the deletion,
But I play a very small part in the destruction of what was once a good friendship.
Jealousy.
Lies.
Tantrums.
Its all there.
I copped it all.
I put up with all.
And once I said I was done, I was sick of being the bad guy while she constantly played victim in her own little games.
She walked.

Well honey, good riddance.
It has taken me many many years but I have realised I don't need people like you in my life.
And I certainly shouldn't be calling them friends.

Life.

Is it possible?

Could it be?

That I am finally getting a life?

Two Saturday nights, and two Sundays in a row I am booked up.
Brunches, and Coffee dates, and Cocktail evenings.

This is amazing.
I have gone from hermit, to well, a non-hermit.
All in the space of a week.

Now... If I could just find a decent man to whinge about at said hangs, all would be perfect.

Mrs M-C

I have this amazing friend who is due to have twins.
She is due in a few weeks, but it's pretty much a waiting game from here on out.

I am so excited.
Every lapsed second without a status, a text, a tweet has me wondering if she has gone into labour.

Then I realised something.
The way I am acting probably has her feeling like an incubator.
Part of the reason I want these little souls out is not just for cuddles, it is to reduce her discomfort.

This blog is for her.
I am sorry if I have ever made you feel like less of a person.
I adore you. I think you are so strong, so amazing.
Don't ever loose yourself too much as a mummy.

And if you ever need a babysitter.
Or adult conversation.
You know where I am

xoxo