I am so tired from everything going on today.
Mentally and Physically.
and I am still rocking the sea sickness.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Four Hours
It's amazing what little time hours are.
In the space of just four hours I went from being a total believer to that lost, scared little girl.
If I can do this to myself in just this short amount of time - try living in my head for twenty three years.
In the space of just four hours I went from being a total believer to that lost, scared little girl.
If I can do this to myself in just this short amount of time - try living in my head for twenty three years.
Scared.
I am so scared.
I have wanted this for so so so long and now it is within my grasp, I just can't make the leap.
I pysched myself up.
I got excited,
AND THEN
I read about it.
Who was I kidding? I can't do this.
I don't have the brains for this.
All my life I have wanted to be more than who I was.
More than I ever could be.
And the people around me supported that.
Agreed with me.
My dreams were too high, too unattainable.
And now...
Now that I have this dream - that I want so badly, there is one girl,
one girl who I spent very little face time with
and she is the one pushing me forward.
I have one word for her.
THANKYOU.
Your gentle persuasion and your kind words are enough to bring tears to my eyes.
But I just... I don't think I can.
I have wanted this for so so so long and now it is within my grasp, I just can't make the leap.
I pysched myself up.
I got excited,
AND THEN
I read about it.
Who was I kidding? I can't do this.
I don't have the brains for this.
All my life I have wanted to be more than who I was.
More than I ever could be.
And the people around me supported that.
Agreed with me.
My dreams were too high, too unattainable.
And now...
Now that I have this dream - that I want so badly, there is one girl,
one girl who I spent very little face time with
and she is the one pushing me forward.
I have one word for her.
THANKYOU.
Your gentle persuasion and your kind words are enough to bring tears to my eyes.
But I just... I don't think I can.
Selfish
You left 7 weeks ago.
I know, because I am counting.
Before you went away you asked those that care to send you letters, copy of the paper, candy - anything to keep your mind off what was happening.
But you asked in such an offhanded way.
At the time I was eager to do what I could.
Keep your spirits up.
Anything I could do to bring you home.
It's been seven weeks and I have every kind of candy you like.
Savoury snacks that will last the distance.
Playing cards, socks, and a flea collar because thats what the forums said.
And a match report of every game played by your beloved football team.
I have all these things for you.
I have the address to send them to you.
But I am scared.
Sending these things to that address makes it so real.
You receiving these things will make you know I still care.
At least you opening the package means you are still alive.
And I don't know which one I am afraid of more.
Keep fighting.
I love you.
I know, because I am counting.
Before you went away you asked those that care to send you letters, copy of the paper, candy - anything to keep your mind off what was happening.
But you asked in such an offhanded way.
At the time I was eager to do what I could.
Keep your spirits up.
Anything I could do to bring you home.
It's been seven weeks and I have every kind of candy you like.
Savoury snacks that will last the distance.
Playing cards, socks, and a flea collar because thats what the forums said.
And a match report of every game played by your beloved football team.
I have all these things for you.
I have the address to send them to you.
But I am scared.
Sending these things to that address makes it so real.
You receiving these things will make you know I still care.
At least you opening the package means you are still alive.
And I don't know which one I am afraid of more.
Keep fighting.
I love you.
Enrollments.
Not only am I hell excited about my enrollment.
I am now excited about the stationary.
I have an addiction.
Officeworks needs to ban me for life.
Oh, and furniture.
I need a desk, and a cool chair, and a comfy sun lounge to study outside.
Glad my new house has a study.
I was wondering what I was going to do in a house with 4 bedrooms + a study.
Me in one.
Cocobean in the other.
Two spares
and an office.
I am now excited about the stationary.
I have an addiction.
Officeworks needs to ban me for life.
Oh, and furniture.
I need a desk, and a cool chair, and a comfy sun lounge to study outside.
Glad my new house has a study.
I was wondering what I was going to do in a house with 4 bedrooms + a study.
Me in one.
Cocobean in the other.
Two spares
and an office.
Dive in.
Okay.
I am done overanalysing this.
Just going to jump straight in.
Enroll me baby!
Journalism was always the clear favourite, but who am I kidding?
I can't write.
Public Relations has won by a mile.
I am done overanalysing this.
Just going to jump straight in.
Enroll me baby!
Journalism was always the clear favourite, but who am I kidding?
I can't write.
Public Relations has won by a mile.
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