Full On

In case you haven't already worked this out, I suffer from too much or too little.

I complain that I don't have enough to do, and then BAM, I have too much on.
Wish it could even itself out a little bit.

I also hate making plans and having to break them or change them because of some unforeseen circumstance, such as work, license suspensions, ebay wins etc.

This is how my week was supposed to look

Wed: Media Launch. Meetings. Cocktails. Sex and the City advanced screening.
Thurs: Work. Gym. Hair Appt. Write Media Launch report
Fri: Day off work. Sex and the City. Lunch with girls. Dinner Date.
Sat: Work. Dinner Date
Sun: Off work. Sleep In. Coffee hangs. Lunch. Housework

It was nice. It was semi-relaxing.
I had well placed social engagements, fitness engagements, it just worked.

Now,
I have pen lines and post-its and liquid paper mess scribbled all over my diary.
From what I can tell, my week now looks like this
Wed: Media Launch. Taxi run. Meetings. Airport run. Sisters "Annoucement". Sisters celebratory drinks. Cocktails. Sex and the City
Thurs: Taxi. Work. Taxi. Gym. Hair Appt. Write Media Launch report.
Fri: Taxi. Work. Taxi. Dinner Date
Sat: Off work. Pick up bed for the CocoBean - 3 hours south of here.
Sun: Off work. Taxi. Coffee Date. Taxi. Housework.

Add to that a toddler who is independant and refuses hugs until you need to go somewhere or do something and he becomes a clingy koala.

So, while it doesn't change all that much I have had to drop a dinner date, a day out with the girls, cancel my longed for sleep in, add countless $$ to my fuel bill and still expect my kidneys to function, and my eyelids to open on Monday morning.

And I want to add a course in there too?
I can only work in ONE NIGHT to go to the gym.

I think I need to adjust my schedule a little.

Life.

Life just keeps getting more complicated.

Relationships form. They fall apart
Friendships change. We grow apart
Babies. School. Work. Debt
Its all apart of life.

Somedays I wish I could just sit back and be happy to work part-time.
To be chill.
To have more time to spend with family and friends.

But what would I do without something to do?

This brings me to question my future.
Should I enroll in this course - which will give me something I have wanted for 10 years.
Or should I try to get on top of my debts, spend my time with my loved ones, and possibly settle down with a hubby, a mortgage and a baby.

I know furthering my education doesn't mean that I have to give these things up.
I know a girl who is FABULOUS. Raising a son, a wife to a soldier and moving to a new state all the while doing a course to get her where she wants to be.

I also know a girl, a FANTASTIC mother, who finished High School whilst playing wife and being the mother to a demanding toddler.

Life is never easy. Choices are never easy.
I don't want them to be.
I just want someone to make the decisions for me.

Semi-Anonymous Life

I have been an avid social networking addict since before Myspace was popular.

I have had an account with every form of social media for as long as I can remember; facebook, Myspace, twitter, bebo, linkdin, neopets, my yearbook, xanga, friend pages, live journal and the list goes on.

Just searching Google long enough and I find more and more of these sites I don't remember ever visiting, but I have a page there - and it was active, for a period of time.

I am pretty open to what I post on these sites. I have always been more open over the internet than I am in day-to-day life. It is one of my goals to be able to be as open and honest as I am when there is a monitor and kilometers in distance between me and the person I am speaking with.

I have blogged before about how my work life and social life differ greatly. At work I am all shades of grey - in a social scene and I am very black and white. I am up or down, there is no in-between.

Now, and I guess its that I am older and perhaps a little wiser, that I am feeling the need to distance my openness on the internet and my real life.

My blog is an escape for me. I vent there. I am opinionated. I share my deepest thoughts, secrets and fears. Part of me was always worried that one day, someone, would put the two and two together and it wouldn't have been hard for them to do that.

This is the main reason I have become "semi-anonymous". Most readers will know me. Those who I want to share my life with will (hopefully) read this. And others, that I don't want to see me in this light (work colleagues) won't be able to pinpoint me.

Whilst I am not taking the greatest in care at concealing my identity - I won't be forthcoming in revealing it. People who already know me, whether in real life, by following me on twitter, or who have been invited to read this will have no hesitation in knowing that it is me.

I guess part of me is still that sad, lonely, confused little girl who is so worried about public opinion. I am ready to dish it out - but I am not quite ready to take it.

xoxox