I am feeling myself being streteched in too many directions.
I am trying to write for 4 blogs.
And keep it read-worthy.
And they are all the same.
I am saying goodbye to blogspot.
I love it here.
Maybe I will be back if there is ever an iPhone app.
I have gone back to wordpress.
I will be slowly moving the blogs from here, back to there.
I apologise for the inconvenience.
www.missblogger.wordpress.com
and also, no more typos in the name :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Today's Question
Why can't life just ... work?
Why do we feel happy, just to feel sadness?
Why succeed, just to fail?
Why fall in love, just to have your heart broken?
I know that happiness wouldn't be as precious,
Success wouldn't be as sweet,
and love wouldn't be as gratifying
without the other.
But sometimes, it just sucks.
Why do we feel happy, just to feel sadness?
Why succeed, just to fail?
Why fall in love, just to have your heart broken?
I know that happiness wouldn't be as precious,
Success wouldn't be as sweet,
and love wouldn't be as gratifying
without the other.
But sometimes, it just sucks.
Today ..
- I dislike the rain
- I dislike the degree of how cold it is
- I dislike the people I work with
- I dislike being at work
- I dislike blogging
- I dislike the debt I am so stupid to of gotten into
- I dislike Telsta
- I dislike my car
Basically,
All I want today, Is to retreat back to the warm and security of my house.
Watch SVU and nap and mope around my own home.
I don't want to be here - surrounded by utter stupidity.
Why can't people get their own lives and stop interfering in mine?
- I dislike the degree of how cold it is
- I dislike the people I work with
- I dislike being at work
- I dislike blogging
- I dislike the debt I am so stupid to of gotten into
- I dislike Telsta
- I dislike my car
Basically,
All I want today, Is to retreat back to the warm and security of my house.
Watch SVU and nap and mope around my own home.
I don't want to be here - surrounded by utter stupidity.
Why can't people get their own lives and stop interfering in mine?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Culture
Culture is a funny thing.
Some people grow up resenting theirs.
They have fought so hard against how they grew up, what they were told.
And its only until later in life that they realise that
their culture
their history
their heritage
really is important.
I watched a small part of a documentary over the weekend.
It was about a woman.
Whose great-grandfather was Aboriginal.
She was raised in a typically suburban Australian family.
She always knew something was missing.
That there was to more to her life,
to her history
Than she was ever told about.
She discovered the secret about her grandfather and went on a journey of discovery.
She met her people.
She underwent traditional rituals
And after the experience she felt whole.
Like that was how she should of been raised.
I feel like this woman.
I can relate to her feeling of being lost.
Our family has no traditions.
No real culture.
The only thing each generation passes down are lies.
We have family secrets.
Only those in the oldest generations are aware of what these secrets are.
The rest of us only know they exist.
I think this is why,
After 23 years of having no culture or traditions
I have taken on learning the Italian language.
I have a thirst to know more.
I am embracing the traditional Italian recipes.
I want more than anything to go there, to experience it all.
Who knows, perhaps one day our heritage will finally be known.
Perhaps the reason I feel this tug towards Italy is because we come from there.
The dark curly hair,
The ability to roll R's,
and our love of garlic and basil and pasta
Must of been handed down from someone, or somewhere.
Only in my dreams would this be a possibility.
Some people grow up resenting theirs.
They have fought so hard against how they grew up, what they were told.
And its only until later in life that they realise that
their culture
their history
their heritage
really is important.
I watched a small part of a documentary over the weekend.
It was about a woman.
Whose great-grandfather was Aboriginal.
She was raised in a typically suburban Australian family.
She always knew something was missing.
That there was to more to her life,
to her history
Than she was ever told about.
She discovered the secret about her grandfather and went on a journey of discovery.
She met her people.
She underwent traditional rituals
And after the experience she felt whole.
Like that was how she should of been raised.
I feel like this woman.
I can relate to her feeling of being lost.
Our family has no traditions.
No real culture.
The only thing each generation passes down are lies.
We have family secrets.
Only those in the oldest generations are aware of what these secrets are.
The rest of us only know they exist.
I think this is why,
After 23 years of having no culture or traditions
I have taken on learning the Italian language.
I have a thirst to know more.
I am embracing the traditional Italian recipes.
I want more than anything to go there, to experience it all.
Who knows, perhaps one day our heritage will finally be known.
Perhaps the reason I feel this tug towards Italy is because we come from there.
The dark curly hair,
The ability to roll R's,
and our love of garlic and basil and pasta
Must of been handed down from someone, or somewhere.
Only in my dreams would this be a possibility.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The hard goodbye
As excited as I am for a lunch date with 2 of my favourite ladies tomorrow.
I am equally as sad.
Tomorrow is potentially the last luncheon with Mrs C.
She is leaving us for greener - or should I say, sunnier - pastures.
This is a long-anticipated move.
She is finally getting her family together.
But why can't I push my own jealousies aside and just be happy for her?
I am being selfish.
I don't want her to leave.
But at the same time, I want her to be happy.
I want her son, and her hubby to be happy.
I just wish I had of made an effort sooner for us to be friends.
But, on the other hand, would saying goodbye be even harder?
I know she will always be on the other side of the iPhone screen, and just a text away.
But I feel like I am losing a sister with her departure.
This one is for you Mrs C.
I wish you health, love and happiness.
But I will miss you more than you can imagine.
xoxox
I am equally as sad.
Tomorrow is potentially the last luncheon with Mrs C.
She is leaving us for greener - or should I say, sunnier - pastures.
This is a long-anticipated move.
She is finally getting her family together.
But why can't I push my own jealousies aside and just be happy for her?
I am being selfish.
I don't want her to leave.
But at the same time, I want her to be happy.
I want her son, and her hubby to be happy.
I just wish I had of made an effort sooner for us to be friends.
But, on the other hand, would saying goodbye be even harder?
I know she will always be on the other side of the iPhone screen, and just a text away.
But I feel like I am losing a sister with her departure.
This one is for you Mrs C.
I wish you health, love and happiness.
But I will miss you more than you can imagine.
xoxox
Kids
Why cant we think, say, feel about ourselves?
When it is so easy to sing the praises of those around us.
And not even just to our friends.
Friends are there to support and be supported by.
But to perfect strangers as well.
Something as simple as "I love your shoes!"
Even when they are down-right hideous.
I am not the kind of person that can just compliment someone.
I guess its because I find it hard to accept them.
They kinda make me feel uncomfortable,
Maybe I am not used to it.
But it is SO easy for me to tell my friends how amazing I think they are.
But if they say the same back to me, I go shy.
I shy away from accepting any kind of praise.
As a kid I was only ever praised when I had done something exceedingly well.
An A on a school project didn't count -
That was expected.
But something great
Something out of the ordinary.
Like, being voted Sports Captain for my school sports team.
I won, by default.
There was no vote.
When it comes to CocoBean and Shiloh [and even RubixCube when she arrives] I feel maybe I over-praise them.
Tell them how brilliant they are - all the time.
And they are.
They are fantastic kids.
Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Athletic.
Creative.
I am also the first person to put her hand up to being biased.
I can't see how I can affect them negatively by being this way.
Maybe they will grow up with an inflated sense of self-worth.
Consider themselves better than others.
Maybe they will be overly confident.
And you know what, if this happens.
I will be the first one with my hand up, admitting fault.
Even though, I think them being this way would put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
As long as they can show empathy and are not arrogant, whats the problem?
This is one of the life lessons, I need to teach these kids.
I don't want them to ever doubt themselves
As much I self-doubt.
I don't want them to blame me
For how they turned out.
I want them to be happy.
Happy with themselves.
Happy with life.
After all, isn't that all we want for our kids.
When it is so easy to sing the praises of those around us.
And not even just to our friends.
Friends are there to support and be supported by.
But to perfect strangers as well.
Something as simple as "I love your shoes!"
Even when they are down-right hideous.
I am not the kind of person that can just compliment someone.
I guess its because I find it hard to accept them.
They kinda make me feel uncomfortable,
Maybe I am not used to it.
But it is SO easy for me to tell my friends how amazing I think they are.
But if they say the same back to me, I go shy.
I shy away from accepting any kind of praise.
As a kid I was only ever praised when I had done something exceedingly well.
An A on a school project didn't count -
That was expected.
But something great
Something out of the ordinary.
Like, being voted Sports Captain for my school sports team.
I won, by default.
There was no vote.
When it comes to CocoBean and Shiloh [and even RubixCube when she arrives] I feel maybe I over-praise them.
Tell them how brilliant they are - all the time.
And they are.
They are fantastic kids.
Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Athletic.
Creative.
I am also the first person to put her hand up to being biased.
I can't see how I can affect them negatively by being this way.
Maybe they will grow up with an inflated sense of self-worth.
Consider themselves better than others.
Maybe they will be overly confident.
And you know what, if this happens.
I will be the first one with my hand up, admitting fault.
Even though, I think them being this way would put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
As long as they can show empathy and are not arrogant, whats the problem?
This is one of the life lessons, I need to teach these kids.
I don't want them to ever doubt themselves
As much I self-doubt.
I don't want them to blame me
For how they turned out.
I want them to be happy.
Happy with themselves.
Happy with life.
After all, isn't that all we want for our kids.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Body
As much as I complain about how my body looks.
I complain more about how it functions.
Or should I say, doesn't function.
But this is all done in my head.
I have some pretty heavy health issues.
And I am not too open in admitting some of it.
My back has been screwed for about 12 years.
I am missing the very tip of my tailbone.
The nerves cause me some major hassels.
And unfortunately, its not anything that is fixable.
And the rest of my body cannot handle the pain relief required to deal with it.
Today - my back is killing me.
But it's even worse because it's aching in sympathy.
Sympathy with the pain already caused by endometriosis.
Which is what I don't talk about.
I have known I have had this since the onset of puberty.
I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.
And even then, they can't fully diagnose me until I agree to a laparoscopy.
Which I refuse to have done.
There are no cures anyway.
Not to mention my head issues.
I am a pretty messed up soul in an equally messed up body.
Who, today, can't even get out of her office chair due to the pain.
I complain more about how it functions.
Or should I say, doesn't function.
But this is all done in my head.
I have some pretty heavy health issues.
And I am not too open in admitting some of it.
My back has been screwed for about 12 years.
I am missing the very tip of my tailbone.
The nerves cause me some major hassels.
And unfortunately, its not anything that is fixable.
And the rest of my body cannot handle the pain relief required to deal with it.
Today - my back is killing me.
But it's even worse because it's aching in sympathy.
Sympathy with the pain already caused by endometriosis.
Which is what I don't talk about.
I have known I have had this since the onset of puberty.
I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.
And even then, they can't fully diagnose me until I agree to a laparoscopy.
Which I refuse to have done.
There are no cures anyway.
Not to mention my head issues.
I am a pretty messed up soul in an equally messed up body.
Who, today, can't even get out of her office chair due to the pain.
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