I am feeling myself being streteched in too many directions.
I am trying to write for 4 blogs.
And keep it read-worthy.
And they are all the same.
I am saying goodbye to blogspot.
I love it here.
Maybe I will be back if there is ever an iPhone app.
I have gone back to wordpress.
I will be slowly moving the blogs from here, back to there.
I apologise for the inconvenience.
www.missblogger.wordpress.com
and also, no more typos in the name :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Today's Question
Why can't life just ... work?
Why do we feel happy, just to feel sadness?
Why succeed, just to fail?
Why fall in love, just to have your heart broken?
I know that happiness wouldn't be as precious,
Success wouldn't be as sweet,
and love wouldn't be as gratifying
without the other.
But sometimes, it just sucks.
Why do we feel happy, just to feel sadness?
Why succeed, just to fail?
Why fall in love, just to have your heart broken?
I know that happiness wouldn't be as precious,
Success wouldn't be as sweet,
and love wouldn't be as gratifying
without the other.
But sometimes, it just sucks.
Today ..
- I dislike the rain
- I dislike the degree of how cold it is
- I dislike the people I work with
- I dislike being at work
- I dislike blogging
- I dislike the debt I am so stupid to of gotten into
- I dislike Telsta
- I dislike my car
Basically,
All I want today, Is to retreat back to the warm and security of my house.
Watch SVU and nap and mope around my own home.
I don't want to be here - surrounded by utter stupidity.
Why can't people get their own lives and stop interfering in mine?
- I dislike the degree of how cold it is
- I dislike the people I work with
- I dislike being at work
- I dislike blogging
- I dislike the debt I am so stupid to of gotten into
- I dislike Telsta
- I dislike my car
Basically,
All I want today, Is to retreat back to the warm and security of my house.
Watch SVU and nap and mope around my own home.
I don't want to be here - surrounded by utter stupidity.
Why can't people get their own lives and stop interfering in mine?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Culture
Culture is a funny thing.
Some people grow up resenting theirs.
They have fought so hard against how they grew up, what they were told.
And its only until later in life that they realise that
their culture
their history
their heritage
really is important.
I watched a small part of a documentary over the weekend.
It was about a woman.
Whose great-grandfather was Aboriginal.
She was raised in a typically suburban Australian family.
She always knew something was missing.
That there was to more to her life,
to her history
Than she was ever told about.
She discovered the secret about her grandfather and went on a journey of discovery.
She met her people.
She underwent traditional rituals
And after the experience she felt whole.
Like that was how she should of been raised.
I feel like this woman.
I can relate to her feeling of being lost.
Our family has no traditions.
No real culture.
The only thing each generation passes down are lies.
We have family secrets.
Only those in the oldest generations are aware of what these secrets are.
The rest of us only know they exist.
I think this is why,
After 23 years of having no culture or traditions
I have taken on learning the Italian language.
I have a thirst to know more.
I am embracing the traditional Italian recipes.
I want more than anything to go there, to experience it all.
Who knows, perhaps one day our heritage will finally be known.
Perhaps the reason I feel this tug towards Italy is because we come from there.
The dark curly hair,
The ability to roll R's,
and our love of garlic and basil and pasta
Must of been handed down from someone, or somewhere.
Only in my dreams would this be a possibility.
Some people grow up resenting theirs.
They have fought so hard against how they grew up, what they were told.
And its only until later in life that they realise that
their culture
their history
their heritage
really is important.
I watched a small part of a documentary over the weekend.
It was about a woman.
Whose great-grandfather was Aboriginal.
She was raised in a typically suburban Australian family.
She always knew something was missing.
That there was to more to her life,
to her history
Than she was ever told about.
She discovered the secret about her grandfather and went on a journey of discovery.
She met her people.
She underwent traditional rituals
And after the experience she felt whole.
Like that was how she should of been raised.
I feel like this woman.
I can relate to her feeling of being lost.
Our family has no traditions.
No real culture.
The only thing each generation passes down are lies.
We have family secrets.
Only those in the oldest generations are aware of what these secrets are.
The rest of us only know they exist.
I think this is why,
After 23 years of having no culture or traditions
I have taken on learning the Italian language.
I have a thirst to know more.
I am embracing the traditional Italian recipes.
I want more than anything to go there, to experience it all.
Who knows, perhaps one day our heritage will finally be known.
Perhaps the reason I feel this tug towards Italy is because we come from there.
The dark curly hair,
The ability to roll R's,
and our love of garlic and basil and pasta
Must of been handed down from someone, or somewhere.
Only in my dreams would this be a possibility.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The hard goodbye
As excited as I am for a lunch date with 2 of my favourite ladies tomorrow.
I am equally as sad.
Tomorrow is potentially the last luncheon with Mrs C.
She is leaving us for greener - or should I say, sunnier - pastures.
This is a long-anticipated move.
She is finally getting her family together.
But why can't I push my own jealousies aside and just be happy for her?
I am being selfish.
I don't want her to leave.
But at the same time, I want her to be happy.
I want her son, and her hubby to be happy.
I just wish I had of made an effort sooner for us to be friends.
But, on the other hand, would saying goodbye be even harder?
I know she will always be on the other side of the iPhone screen, and just a text away.
But I feel like I am losing a sister with her departure.
This one is for you Mrs C.
I wish you health, love and happiness.
But I will miss you more than you can imagine.
xoxox
I am equally as sad.
Tomorrow is potentially the last luncheon with Mrs C.
She is leaving us for greener - or should I say, sunnier - pastures.
This is a long-anticipated move.
She is finally getting her family together.
But why can't I push my own jealousies aside and just be happy for her?
I am being selfish.
I don't want her to leave.
But at the same time, I want her to be happy.
I want her son, and her hubby to be happy.
I just wish I had of made an effort sooner for us to be friends.
But, on the other hand, would saying goodbye be even harder?
I know she will always be on the other side of the iPhone screen, and just a text away.
But I feel like I am losing a sister with her departure.
This one is for you Mrs C.
I wish you health, love and happiness.
But I will miss you more than you can imagine.
xoxox
Kids
Why cant we think, say, feel about ourselves?
When it is so easy to sing the praises of those around us.
And not even just to our friends.
Friends are there to support and be supported by.
But to perfect strangers as well.
Something as simple as "I love your shoes!"
Even when they are down-right hideous.
I am not the kind of person that can just compliment someone.
I guess its because I find it hard to accept them.
They kinda make me feel uncomfortable,
Maybe I am not used to it.
But it is SO easy for me to tell my friends how amazing I think they are.
But if they say the same back to me, I go shy.
I shy away from accepting any kind of praise.
As a kid I was only ever praised when I had done something exceedingly well.
An A on a school project didn't count -
That was expected.
But something great
Something out of the ordinary.
Like, being voted Sports Captain for my school sports team.
I won, by default.
There was no vote.
When it comes to CocoBean and Shiloh [and even RubixCube when she arrives] I feel maybe I over-praise them.
Tell them how brilliant they are - all the time.
And they are.
They are fantastic kids.
Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Athletic.
Creative.
I am also the first person to put her hand up to being biased.
I can't see how I can affect them negatively by being this way.
Maybe they will grow up with an inflated sense of self-worth.
Consider themselves better than others.
Maybe they will be overly confident.
And you know what, if this happens.
I will be the first one with my hand up, admitting fault.
Even though, I think them being this way would put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
As long as they can show empathy and are not arrogant, whats the problem?
This is one of the life lessons, I need to teach these kids.
I don't want them to ever doubt themselves
As much I self-doubt.
I don't want them to blame me
For how they turned out.
I want them to be happy.
Happy with themselves.
Happy with life.
After all, isn't that all we want for our kids.
When it is so easy to sing the praises of those around us.
And not even just to our friends.
Friends are there to support and be supported by.
But to perfect strangers as well.
Something as simple as "I love your shoes!"
Even when they are down-right hideous.
I am not the kind of person that can just compliment someone.
I guess its because I find it hard to accept them.
They kinda make me feel uncomfortable,
Maybe I am not used to it.
But it is SO easy for me to tell my friends how amazing I think they are.
But if they say the same back to me, I go shy.
I shy away from accepting any kind of praise.
As a kid I was only ever praised when I had done something exceedingly well.
An A on a school project didn't count -
That was expected.
But something great
Something out of the ordinary.
Like, being voted Sports Captain for my school sports team.
I won, by default.
There was no vote.
When it comes to CocoBean and Shiloh [and even RubixCube when she arrives] I feel maybe I over-praise them.
Tell them how brilliant they are - all the time.
And they are.
They are fantastic kids.
Beautiful.
Intelligent.
Athletic.
Creative.
I am also the first person to put her hand up to being biased.
I can't see how I can affect them negatively by being this way.
Maybe they will grow up with an inflated sense of self-worth.
Consider themselves better than others.
Maybe they will be overly confident.
And you know what, if this happens.
I will be the first one with my hand up, admitting fault.
Even though, I think them being this way would put them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
As long as they can show empathy and are not arrogant, whats the problem?
This is one of the life lessons, I need to teach these kids.
I don't want them to ever doubt themselves
As much I self-doubt.
I don't want them to blame me
For how they turned out.
I want them to be happy.
Happy with themselves.
Happy with life.
After all, isn't that all we want for our kids.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Body
As much as I complain about how my body looks.
I complain more about how it functions.
Or should I say, doesn't function.
But this is all done in my head.
I have some pretty heavy health issues.
And I am not too open in admitting some of it.
My back has been screwed for about 12 years.
I am missing the very tip of my tailbone.
The nerves cause me some major hassels.
And unfortunately, its not anything that is fixable.
And the rest of my body cannot handle the pain relief required to deal with it.
Today - my back is killing me.
But it's even worse because it's aching in sympathy.
Sympathy with the pain already caused by endometriosis.
Which is what I don't talk about.
I have known I have had this since the onset of puberty.
I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.
And even then, they can't fully diagnose me until I agree to a laparoscopy.
Which I refuse to have done.
There are no cures anyway.
Not to mention my head issues.
I am a pretty messed up soul in an equally messed up body.
Who, today, can't even get out of her office chair due to the pain.
I complain more about how it functions.
Or should I say, doesn't function.
But this is all done in my head.
I have some pretty heavy health issues.
And I am not too open in admitting some of it.
My back has been screwed for about 12 years.
I am missing the very tip of my tailbone.
The nerves cause me some major hassels.
And unfortunately, its not anything that is fixable.
And the rest of my body cannot handle the pain relief required to deal with it.
Today - my back is killing me.
But it's even worse because it's aching in sympathy.
Sympathy with the pain already caused by endometriosis.
Which is what I don't talk about.
I have known I have had this since the onset of puberty.
I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.
And even then, they can't fully diagnose me until I agree to a laparoscopy.
Which I refuse to have done.
There are no cures anyway.
Not to mention my head issues.
I am a pretty messed up soul in an equally messed up body.
Who, today, can't even get out of her office chair due to the pain.
Today
One day I will wake up and know exactly what I want out of life.
Today, I don't want to be married.
Today, I don't want to have children.
Today, I don't want a massive mortgage on a house I could never afford.
Today, my dreams for the future are my old singledom dreams.
Cute Apartment.
A shoe room.
Lap Dog.
Designer jeans.
Harry Winston that I bought for myself.
And just enough hugs and love from my nieces and nephew to get me by.
Today, I don't want to be married.
Today, I don't want to have children.
Today, I don't want a massive mortgage on a house I could never afford.
Today, my dreams for the future are my old singledom dreams.
Cute Apartment.
A shoe room.
Lap Dog.
Designer jeans.
Harry Winston that I bought for myself.
And just enough hugs and love from my nieces and nephew to get me by.
Workaholic
I am married to my job.
Not because I have to be.
Because I want to be.
I am a bit of a hermit.
I hate the clubbing scene.
I hate loud noise - and crowds.
I don't have many friends.
As I whinge about here often.
I am married to my job.
The chance to work additional hours pops up.
I take them.
The chance to take on additional duties.
I grab them.
Not because I paid any different.
Not because I enjoy every aspect.
I wanted to go back to study.
For me.
I ended up choosing a degree which will not further my current job.
But guess what, I always knew, that the electives would benefit my employer.
Its because my job,
Is all I have.
My job is great.
I love it.
My boss is fantastic.
The pay is... okay
But who wouldn't prefer more?
A colleague hit the nail on the head for me.
I thought she was just as dedicated as I was.
Guess what?
She isn't.
Its all an act.
Too look good.
She would walk tomorrow if she had the opportunity.
But me?
I am for real when I say I love my job.
I give up everything, constantly, for my job.
At the end of the day,
I am replaceable.
I could be fired tomorrow.
and I would be heartbroken.
There has to be more to life.
I just need to find it.
Not because I have to be.
Because I want to be.
I am a bit of a hermit.
I hate the clubbing scene.
I hate loud noise - and crowds.
I don't have many friends.
As I whinge about here often.
I am married to my job.
The chance to work additional hours pops up.
I take them.
The chance to take on additional duties.
I grab them.
Not because I paid any different.
Not because I enjoy every aspect.
I wanted to go back to study.
For me.
I ended up choosing a degree which will not further my current job.
But guess what, I always knew, that the electives would benefit my employer.
Its because my job,
Is all I have.
My job is great.
I love it.
My boss is fantastic.
The pay is... okay
But who wouldn't prefer more?
A colleague hit the nail on the head for me.
I thought she was just as dedicated as I was.
Guess what?
She isn't.
Its all an act.
Too look good.
She would walk tomorrow if she had the opportunity.
But me?
I am for real when I say I love my job.
I give up everything, constantly, for my job.
At the end of the day,
I am replaceable.
I could be fired tomorrow.
and I would be heartbroken.
There has to be more to life.
I just need to find it.
Crappy Friend
It comes to no suprise to me that I have no friends.
I don't make the effort.
Not really.
And it's not because I don't want to.
Its because I am scared to.
and because I don't know how.
I hate being a clingy person.
And most of the time, i'm not.
In relationships - I am not.
But,
When it comes to friendships I need constant verification that we are still friends.
If a text isn't responded to.
Or a call goes to voicemail.
If plans get cancelled.
I think they are avoiding me.
And this is never the case.
There is always a perfectly reasonable explanation.
And I don't see it the other way either.
I get a text, I only respond if I feel it needs responding.
I don't return voicemails, because, if its important - they will call back.
And I cancel plans. ALL THE TIME.
Usually because I tie myself to work.
Or something comes up with the Cocobean
I am the worst friend.
But stick with me.
It works out.
And I can be pretty awesome sometimes too.
I don't make the effort.
Not really.
And it's not because I don't want to.
Its because I am scared to.
and because I don't know how.
I hate being a clingy person.
And most of the time, i'm not.
In relationships - I am not.
But,
When it comes to friendships I need constant verification that we are still friends.
If a text isn't responded to.
Or a call goes to voicemail.
If plans get cancelled.
I think they are avoiding me.
And this is never the case.
There is always a perfectly reasonable explanation.
And I don't see it the other way either.
I get a text, I only respond if I feel it needs responding.
I don't return voicemails, because, if its important - they will call back.
And I cancel plans. ALL THE TIME.
Usually because I tie myself to work.
Or something comes up with the Cocobean
I am the worst friend.
But stick with me.
It works out.
And I can be pretty awesome sometimes too.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Suffocation
Is in two frames of mind.
We love each other.
This much is clear.
How we proceed?
Well, its a little hazy.
Part of me wants to jump right in.
Announce it to the world.
Head straight the the registry the second he gets off that plane.
The other part of me thinks we should take it slow.
Hang out.
Chill it down.
After all, here is a man who has seen things that no one should see.
He has gone through things none of us can ever imagine.
The last thing he needs when he comes back is more stress.
Where is the happy medium?
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Make up all the time we have lost.
But how do I do that without suffocating this
We love each other.
This much is clear.
How we proceed?
Well, its a little hazy.
Part of me wants to jump right in.
Announce it to the world.
Head straight the the registry the second he gets off that plane.
The other part of me thinks we should take it slow.
Hang out.
Chill it down.
After all, here is a man who has seen things that no one should see.
He has gone through things none of us can ever imagine.
The last thing he needs when he comes back is more stress.
Where is the happy medium?
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man.
Make up all the time we have lost.
But how do I do that without suffocating this
Open Book
I am not an open book.
I am not easily read.
I created a shield around myself years ago.
But there is one girl.
She knows me.
Inside and out.
and we haven't even known each other very long.
"You're doing it again.
Doubting yourself when you have no reason too.
October isn't that far away.
And soon you'll have uni to concentrate on too.
But for now, let yourself soak up the happiness before you start doubting it.
You deserve this.
You deserve happiness.
X"
This is by far the greatest text I have ever received.
Thank you to the girl in red heels.
You know when to push.
And you know how to make me fold.
<3 <3 <3
I am not easily read.
I created a shield around myself years ago.
But there is one girl.
She knows me.
Inside and out.
and we haven't even known each other very long.
"You're doing it again.
Doubting yourself when you have no reason too.
October isn't that far away.
And soon you'll have uni to concentrate on too.
But for now, let yourself soak up the happiness before you start doubting it.
You deserve this.
You deserve happiness.
X"
This is by far the greatest text I have ever received.
Thank you to the girl in red heels.
You know when to push.
And you know how to make me fold.
<3 <3 <3
October
So close.
Yet so far.
So much time to wait.
But so much to do.
Must start going back to gym.
Need to look good for my sexy soldier.
Also need to investigate tattoo removal.
Her name can go bye bye.
Yet so far.
So much time to wait.
But so much to do.
Must start going back to gym.
Need to look good for my sexy soldier.
Also need to investigate tattoo removal.
Her name can go bye bye.
Why can't I just...
take this feeling and run with it.
Why don't I believe that I deserve happiness too?
Why am I already going over the negatives whilst he is still talking about the positives.
Here he is, baring his soul to me, how he is going to leave her.
Transfer to the RAAF so he can move here.
And all I am thinking that as soon as he sees her face, all is going to be how it was before he left.
I am sick to death of finding the negatives in everything!
Thankfully I have him, and Mrs C, telling me I deserve it.
One day I will overcome this.
October.
xoxo
Why don't I believe that I deserve happiness too?
Why am I already going over the negatives whilst he is still talking about the positives.
Here he is, baring his soul to me, how he is going to leave her.
Transfer to the RAAF so he can move here.
And all I am thinking that as soon as he sees her face, all is going to be how it was before he left.
I am sick to death of finding the negatives in everything!
Thankfully I have him, and Mrs C, telling me I deserve it.
One day I will overcome this.
October.
xoxo
In the clouds
I am literally walking on air.
My head is up in the clouds.
I don't know how this all happened.
It just did.
It's all fallen into place.
He is mine.
He wants me.
He chose me.
When he comes back, he is coming back, for me.
My head is up in the clouds.
I don't know how this all happened.
It just did.
It's all fallen into place.
He is mine.
He wants me.
He chose me.
When he comes back, he is coming back, for me.
The Girl in the Red Heels
This is the best blog I have read in a long time.
Well structured.
Well organized.
and only a day old.
Do yourselves a favour and read;
thegirlinredheels.wordpress.com
Its a fun blog.
So different from what I write, and from what I usually read.
A definite breath of fresh air.
Well structured.
Well organized.
and only a day old.
Do yourselves a favour and read;
thegirlinredheels.wordpress.com
Its a fun blog.
So different from what I write, and from what I usually read.
A definite breath of fresh air.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Organisation
I am the kind of girl who loves to buy things.
But most of all I love to buy things to attempt to make me organised.
I have storage boxes.
I have a filing cabinet.
I have calenders, and diaries.
I have multiple to-do and checklist apps.
I have clear shoeboxes.
I am addicted to buying these things.
I follow through with them for about 2 days.
Then I lose interest.
Until the next shiny new app comes along.
But most of all I love to buy things to attempt to make me organised.
I have storage boxes.
I have a filing cabinet.
I have calenders, and diaries.
I have multiple to-do and checklist apps.
I have clear shoeboxes.
I am addicted to buying these things.
I follow through with them for about 2 days.
Then I lose interest.
Until the next shiny new app comes along.
New House
I get the keys on Friday.
I am free to move in from 4pm on Friday evening.
Cannot wait to move into my freedom.
I am a terrible organiser.
I have packed the bare essentials.
Shoes. DVDs. Photos. Espresso Machine.
The rest will be thrown in the boot at around 3.55pm on Friday.
I am terrible.
Miss Unorganised.
I am free to move in from 4pm on Friday evening.
Cannot wait to move into my freedom.
I am a terrible organiser.
I have packed the bare essentials.
Shoes. DVDs. Photos. Espresso Machine.
The rest will be thrown in the boot at around 3.55pm on Friday.
I am terrible.
Miss Unorganised.
Winter.
I am one of those weird people who adore winter.
It it is my favourite season.
I love the fashion.
The snuggles.
Coffee and Red wine around fires.
And I will even admit to wearing Ugg boots and Slankets.
In the comfort and serenity of my own home.
My winter "uniform" is skinnies. boots. a trench. a scarf and usually gloves if its cold enough.
I love hair accessories, and winter is the best for cute little knitted hats.
Winter is my favourite season.
At least, until summer sun arrives.
It it is my favourite season.
I love the fashion.
The snuggles.
Coffee and Red wine around fires.
And I will even admit to wearing Ugg boots and Slankets.
In the comfort and serenity of my own home.
My winter "uniform" is skinnies. boots. a trench. a scarf and usually gloves if its cold enough.
I love hair accessories, and winter is the best for cute little knitted hats.
Winter is my favourite season.
At least, until summer sun arrives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
