I just spoke to him.
Via texts.
He is okay.
Shaken.
Not on R&R.
Still fighting.
This sucks.
Truly.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Blogs.
I have recently added a couple more blogs to my daily.
or trice daily online reading habits.
These girls are so much like me.
These girls are going through such struggles.
I wish I could help.
It seems a little bit strange to consider them friends,
When we have never met.
But that's what they feel like to me.
Friends.
I just hope we can transfer the online to the offline, if we ever get a chance.
xoxox
or trice daily online reading habits.
These girls are so much like me.
These girls are going through such struggles.
I wish I could help.
It seems a little bit strange to consider them friends,
When we have never met.
But that's what they feel like to me.
Friends.
I just hope we can transfer the online to the offline, if we ever get a chance.
xoxox
This is me.
I have had blogs before.
This is my third "real" attempt.
This is also my first semi-anonymous blog.
Some people know me.
Most won't.
I like it like that.
I have been more open and honest here than I have to anyone, or anything, before.
Talking to my dog used to be almost therapeutic.
She would listen.
Lick my hand.
Nudge me.
And it comforted me.
It was even more comforting because she didn't judge me.
She couldn't talk back.
Now that therapeutic place is here.
Right now.
What you are reading is 100% me.
There is no cover-ups.
No makeup hiding the flaws.
This is me.
One day I hope to be able to take all of this and show this person as the real me.
One day when I don't fear critism as much as I do.
This is my third "real" attempt.
This is also my first semi-anonymous blog.
Some people know me.
Most won't.
I like it like that.
I have been more open and honest here than I have to anyone, or anything, before.
Talking to my dog used to be almost therapeutic.
She would listen.
Lick my hand.
Nudge me.
And it comforted me.
It was even more comforting because she didn't judge me.
She couldn't talk back.
Now that therapeutic place is here.
Right now.
What you are reading is 100% me.
There is no cover-ups.
No makeup hiding the flaws.
This is me.
One day I hope to be able to take all of this and show this person as the real me.
One day when I don't fear critism as much as I do.
24 hours.
My mind has been ticking over for over 24 hours.
All I can think of is all those things I never said.
I never agreed to marry him.
I never agreed to have his babies.
I never encouraged his desire to leave the army.
All these things could of happened.
But I didn't want to change for him.
And I didn't want him to change for me.
In the end, my selfishness, and my selflessness have come back to haunt me.
Once again.
All I can think of is all those things I never said.
I never agreed to marry him.
I never agreed to have his babies.
I never encouraged his desire to leave the army.
All these things could of happened.
But I didn't want to change for him.
And I didn't want him to change for me.
In the end, my selfishness, and my selflessness have come back to haunt me.
Once again.
Mother.
I always pretend to be asleep when you get home.
Not because I don't want to talk to you
But because I don't to talk about the trivial things.
I want to tell you the things happening in my head.
My fears.
My secrets.
But I know you will just push them aside.
Make me doubt myself.
We don't have the relationship we both want
Because neither of us can relate to the other.
We see life a different way.
And that's okay.
After 23 years, I get it.
Not because I don't want to talk to you
But because I don't to talk about the trivial things.
I want to tell you the things happening in my head.
My fears.
My secrets.
But I know you will just push them aside.
Make me doubt myself.
We don't have the relationship we both want
Because neither of us can relate to the other.
We see life a different way.
And that's okay.
After 23 years, I get it.
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